


It's hard to miss something you already have

by I_am_a_Cephalopod



Series: Love is blind, no wait, Leonard is blind to love, that's it [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Bones doesn't really mind, Breakfast, Cuddling, Hurt/Comfort, Jim is basically an octopus that won't let go, Jim isn't as self center as we think, M/M, Sick Bones, Sleepy Cuddles, it's only pancakes, mother hen Jim, preslash, top chef Jim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-05
Updated: 2014-07-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 12:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1745171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_a_Cephalopod/pseuds/I_am_a_Cephalopod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bones finds himself missing what could have been; companionship, someone to share his mornings with, love. So much so that he can't hold it in. Luckily for him, Jim is right there to help pick up all the pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The walls come down

**Author's Note:**

> Written for anon prompt: Mckirk prompt: Bones missing being in a relationship so badly it hurts, but he hides it well, until finally one day when Jim comes back talking about the great lay he had and Bones just crumbles and starts bawling.

Leonard McCoy was not a man for dwelling on the past. It hurt, and did nothing good for anyone, so why in the world would he waste his time and energy moping about. All that gets you is a hangover and the waste of good whisky that you can’t remember drinking.

Ok, so Leonard McCoy was a man for dwelling on the past.

The point is, he didn’t want to be a man who dwelled on the past. And he was working at it, very hard. That was why he only had one bottle of whisky under his bed, and he tried to only carry one flask instead of two or three. Sure, he wasn’t supposed to have them with him in class, but he wasn’t a child, and when he needed a swig, he needed one.

So yeah, he was still dwelling and moping, but not as much as he could be, and that was a success in his book.

Except for now, this time of year, this particular day. He wanted to drown his sorrows, to forget about meeting his wife, Jocelyn, but the spring flowers reminded him of picnics and nighttime star gazing. It was impossible not to miss her, despite the fact that she threw him out with nothing, taking everything he ever worked for with her. He missed falling asleep beside someone, feeling their warmth in front of him. He missed waking up to soft brown eyes, and breakfasts just a bit overcooked with a side of epic bedhead.

So, it wasn’t really her that he missed, it was the idea of her. The idea that someone cared enough to stick around. Not having that felt like a wound in his stomach that just wouldn’t heal, no matter how many times he tried to fix it. There was something stuck in it, holding it open and refusing to let him move on.

So there was alcohol to stop him from noticing the gaping hole. Or, at least there would be if his roommate hadn’t found his hiding place and hadn’t decided that ‘sharing is what friends do’ before drinking most of it. Ok, so only some of it, but McCoy hadn’t had time to get more recently and didn’t feel like leaving the room for any reason for the next few days.

That was why he was sitting on the couch with a bottle of shit vodka that he had found under the sink in one hand and his head in the other when an entirely too chipper James T. Kirk entered the room. The kid had a god damned spring in his step as he all but bounded over to the couch and collapsed next to McCoy.

“Bones, you are not going to believe this girl I met tonight,” he started, grabbing the bottle from his friend and taking a swig. “Shit, what are you drinking?”

“This is all we have. You drank the last of my good stuff,” McCoy grumbled.

“Oh, sorry ‘bout that. I’ll get you some more tomorrow. Anyway,” here he threw his arm around the doctor’s shoulder, “I met this beautiful girl at the bar. You know, blond curly hair, beautiful green eyes, rocking hips. Man, she was the whole nine yards, and she was not just a looker, she was smart too. Liked plants a lot, and got this spark in her eyes when she talked about them. Just gorgeous.

“So we go back to her place, and we’re getting friendly, and I don’t really notice how loud we’re getting. She was a giggler, and apparently I was tickling her in all the right places. So we’re getting going, and we hear this banging on the wall…”

Jim’s story went on longer, but McCoy didn’t hear much more of it. All he could think about was lazy mornings spent in bed, trying to stay quite but laughing because everything was just so wonderful. He could feel the hole in his stomach gaping wider, being wedged open by a spike.

“Bones?” Jim asked softly, alarm in his voice. “Are you… crying?”

The doctor lifted his hand to wipe his cheeks, surprised to find that they were in fact wet. He cursed under his breath and willed himself to stop sobbing like a child, but it was like he had opened the flood gates. All his stored up regret and sadness came rushing out past his carefully constructed and highly alcoholic walls.

He didn’t realize he was shaking until a pair of strong arms wrapped around him to stop it. Without thinking he turned his face into Jim’s shoulder, opening his mouth to apologize but sobbing instead. Jim began rubbing circles into his friend’s back, which actually did wonders towards calming him down.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked softly. Contrary to popular belief, which Leonard had bought into to this point, Jim Kirk was not so self-centered that he could not be there when a friend needed him. Still, McCoy knew that talking about it would just make the problem worse, so he shook his head pathetically.

“Do you want to go to bed?”

Bones nodded this time, still sobbing and probably ruining his friend’s shirt. Jim stood up and coaxed his friend onto his feet, leading him to his single bed with the too scratchy covers. Kirk sat him down and knelt to pull his friend’s socks off. He then helped pull Leonard’s shirt off, but the doctor drew the line there, getting out of his jeans by himself. Now only in his undershirt and boxers, Leonard was practically tucked in. He was a grown ass man, and his grown ass friend was tucking him in.

Jim left the room then, which, for some reason, turned the empty feeling into an ache, and the crying that had died down started up again. He felt pathetic, crying alone in his bed while his friend was in the other room probably reminiscing on his earlier conquest. Some fucking best friend.

But then Jim was back next to him, having placed a glass of water on the bedside table and sitting on the ground next to Leonard’s bed.

“When I was a kid,” Jim started after a few moments, propping his head up on his arms on the side of the bed, “I used to throw tantrums like no one’s business. This one time, it was the stupidest thing, but I was jealous that my brother had been kicked out for the night.” Leonard huffed in amusement.

“Only you,” he murmured, his voice sounding way too weak. Jim smiled that bright smile of his, and slowly reached to start playing with the doctor’s hair. Despite jumping at the first touch, Leonard was soon relaxing under his friend’s hand.

“Yeah, well, I thought he was going camping, and my mom said I couldn’t join him. But you well know, when someone tells me I can’t do something that makes me want to do it more. So that night I pulled together a pack and slipped out the window, hoping to find my brother. What I didn’t know was that he went to a friend’s house to stay for the night, so I was looking in the wrong place.

“Long story short, I got lost, and it took a good day for them to find me.”

Bones gave a wet chuckle, shaking his head at the antics of his young friend. They both fell silent after that, Jim still stroking his hair from beside his bed. It was peaceful, just the two of them, and Bones could feel the thorn loosening from his gut.


	2. Sleep muddled friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleep muddled friends are the best type of friends.

When Bones woke again, it was the middle of the night, he was sure. A faint snoring next to him had roused him, and when he opened his eyes he found himself face to face with his best friend and roommate. Jim had fallen asleep on the floor, his head still resting on Leonard’s mattress. He didn’t have to be a doctor to know that Jim would wake with a crick in his neck, so Leonard reached out a gently shook his friend.

“Go to bed,” he commanded, his voice hoarse from crying and sleep. Jim blinked his icy blue eyes sleepily with some confusion. “You’ll thank me in the morning.”

Nodding, Jim got up, only to push Bones further into the bed and climb in next to him. The doctor sputtered and tried to push his friend back out of the bed, but Jim had an iron grip, and he was determined not to let go of his friend.

“When I said go to bed, I meant your bed!” he protested, trying to pry the arms from him.

“This is my bed,” Jim mumbled, and then fell back asleep.

After that, nothing Leonard did changed his friend’s state. Instead, he just ended up on his back, one arm trapped beneath Jim’s head with Jim curling into his side. A comfortable position, he had to admit, except for the fact that he was being pressed against the wall to ensure his friend didn’t end up on the floor. Still, it was nice to have someone sleeping beside him, even if it was only his crazy best friend.

Fully awake after his futile battle, Bones stared at the ceiling contemplating his earlier break down. He mentally kicked himself for succumbing to his pessimistic and counter-productive thought processes, but was glad that Jim had been there to stop him from drinking away another night’s memories.

It had happened before, where Jim had gotten home an hour later, or the next morning even, and found Leonard at the bottom of a bottle. His young friend always took the time to clean him up, making sure he went to bed, or handing him a cup of coffee if it was the morning. No matter what he had been doing before, when Jim found Bones at the end of a bad day, he was always right there.

And Leonard always forgot to thank him for it the next day.

He tightened his hold around his friend, rubbing circles into his back while he brushed his thumb along Jim’s forearm. It was then that he realized his friend hadn’t changed into his sleepwear. Brushing his feet up against Jim’s, he checked to make sure that his shoes were indeed off, knowing what could be tracked in on shoes and not wanting to smack his friend in the morning. Luckily they were off, and Leonard decided that was good enough for now.

“Stop thinking, asshole, go to sleep,” Jim mumbled, tightening his grip and rubbing his face against his friend’s chest.

Leonard huffed and closed his eyes, deciding that thinking was always better in the morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's so short, but I needed this little bit to get to the next thing that I have planned, and it didn't seem right to stick them together.
> 
> Thank you redford for the motivation to continue this.
> 
> I do not have a Beta, but would appreciate one.


	3. Kirk in the kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim makes breakfast and plans. Bones realizes he has no choice.

There was a distinctive lack of warmth beside him as he blinked awake. He sat up in bed, thinking that maybe he had imagined Jim crawling into bed with him, until he looked over to Jim’s bed and found it empty, and made. Jim never made his bed. Leonard always did that.

The doctor got out of bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and scratching his head as he made his way into their kitchen/dining room/living room area. He was surprised to see his missing roommate in front of the stove, dancing to the soft music, spatula in hand with a pile of pancakes on the counter. He had shucked last night’s jeans, now only in his underwear and t-shirt, shaking his hips to the beat.

Leonard chuckled as he went to sit at the counter.

“Morning sleepy bones,” Jim greeted, plopping another pancake on top of the stack. His hair was sticking up comically, and Bones had the urge to tussle it more.

“How are you a morning person?” He was surprised to see an untouched glass of orange juice in front of him. Jim hated orange juice.

“Because, unlike you, I am not eternally grumpy,” Jim informed him, flipping the latest pancake.

“I’m not eternally grumpy,” Bones grumped. He didn’t miss the irony.

“Don’t worry, it’s all part of your charm,” he assured before placing a pancake on Leonard’s plate. “Now eat up.”

With a lopsided smile Bones poured a large amount of syrup onto his pancake before starting to eat. He was halfway through his first when Jim finally sat down next to him to eat. They ate in relative silence, though Jim wouldn’t stop humming to the music. When he inevitably choked on his food, Bones swore he would laugh before helping him. He said as much out loud.

“Aren’t you just the best type of friend,” Jim whined, though he was still smiling brightly.

Leonard knocked his shoulder into Jim’s, smiling back before turning back to the food. Jim was a surprisingly good cook, but only when it came to breakfast. He had tried hard to forget the last time Jim had tried to make dinner, but unfortunately the scorch marks on the ceiling hadn’t been fixed yet.

“We are getting you out of the house today,” Jim informed him, his tone leaving no room for argument. Of course, that wouldn’t stop the doctor from trying.

“I get out of the house almost every day,” he reminded his friend.

“Class and work don’t count. You need some recreation. Fresh air and friends.”

“I don’t have friends. The only reason I have you is that it’s impossible to get rid of you. You’re like a leech, or herpes.”

“Well, unlike herpes, you don’t have to have sex to get me,” Jim joked, knowing Bones’ insults were mostly empty. “Come on, it’ll be fun!”

“When did you decide we were going to do something… recreational?”

“This morning, when I woke up next to a very cuddly doctor,” Jim teased before spinning out of his chair and heading for their room. “I cooked, you clean,” he called behind him.

“I didn’t ask you to cook, asshole.”

Half an hour later the dishes were done and Jim had stepped out for ‘just a sec’. Bones was drying off from his very short, very hot shower when Jim came back in, whistling a tune that wasn’t actually a tune. More like a random and poorly put together string of notes.

“Put clothes on bud, we’re going to get burgers!” he called out happily, falling onto the couch to wait.

“Do I know this place? I don’t want food poisoning.”

“That was one time, and I hadn’t actually been to the place,” Jim defended. “I promise that I’ve gone here, many times, and have gotten many different things. You gotta trust me!”

“I trust you as far as I can throw you.”

When Leonard stepped out of the bedroom he noticed that Jim actually looked a little hurt, but the look was gone in a second. The jab of guilt in Bones’ gut was not, though.

“So we should probably get to that burger place, because I can throw you way too far,” Bones tried to recover, and reveled in the brilliant grin Jim shot him.

Kirk shot up from the couch, clapping Bones on the shoulder as he passed before exiting. Waiting a moment, Bones chuckled when his friend reentered the room, grabbed his keys, then left again. Trusting that he would at least get food, Bones followed his friend out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am unsure as to how I keep churning these out, but I do. It's a miracle!
> 
> Thanks again for comments, and as always, kudos are love, comments are motivation.


	4. Food is a language of its own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim decides that Bones needs a lot of food and some antique adventures. Bones is totally okay with this (especially since Jim is paying).

The place they ended up at was outside of San Francisco. It was in a small town about an hour away that Bones had never heard of before, and couldn’t for the life of him remember the name of. The spring day was cool, and the part that Jim led him through was scenic and worth the slight chill. On the other side of the park was a row of buildings, mostly restaurants and boutiques, and it seemed that Jim was leading him there.

“You could’ve parked closer,” Bones grumped, a half smile on his face.

“Yeah, but this way we get to enjoy all the new plants. You know, trees and shit.”

“Trees and shit? You really have an appreciation for the great outdoors there, kid,” Bones teased. Jim retaliated by sticking his tongue out, solidifying the fact that he was indeed a kid.

“Someday I’m going to kick you for that.”

“That would make you a jackass, no a kid.”

“Fine, I’ll head-butt you then,” Jim replied smartly, and the doctor couldn’t help but laugh and reach out to wrap an arm around Jim’s shoulders.

Jim led them to one of the tiny restaurants that had outdoor seating. It was cute and small, with a large sign over it saying ‘Stuffed Burgers’ in what was one of the most original names Bones had ever seen. They went inside, and the interior was very minimalist. There were only four tables, and a counter with a large menu hanging over it. Bones was overwhelmed with the choices.

“Need help?” Jim half-teased.

“No, just… what are you getting?” he asked, still staring at the board.

“Turkey burger stuffed with mushrooms, swiss, and onions.”

“Ah.”

Eventually they both put in their order, Jim giving up and ordering for Bones when it seemed the doctor was unable to make a choice. Leonard ended up with a burger stuffed with mac and cheese, which he had to admit was delicious, and the two of them sat and ate outside.

“So, turkey burger?” Bones asked. “You always struck me as the type to think anything other than beef burgers would be an abomination.”

“Naw, I grew up on a farm, remember. I like the cows too much to eat them on anything short of a special occasion. Turkeys and chickens, on the other hand, I am not fond of. They’re all little assholes that taste good when fried.”

The conversation after that stuck mainly to people watching, with Jim mainly being a jackass and making up ridiculous stories for people and Bones actually trying to say something plausible. Jim kept on accusing him of being a killjoy, and he kept calling Jim immature. So it was a normal conversation for the two of them.

Eventually they left the restaurant, walking down the street and popping into a few of the shops. One of them was selling vintage stuff, full of old electronics and books. It even had an old motorcycle, which Bones had to convince his friend not to buy. He did admit it was ‘pretty rad’ though, trying not to step on Jim’s style too much.

While Jim fawned over the glorified death vehicle, Bones sifted through the old books. They were actually books, which he appreciated. The smell was wonderful, old and full of promises of stories. He was glad that Jim couldn’t read his mind, otherwise he’d never hear the end of that poetic moment.

Having found an old medical journal, he found a seat and started reading, stopping every once in a while to look at what Jim had found. The man was like a dog, excited to show off what he had found but with a short enough attention span that he’d be gone the next moment.

They lost a good hour in that shop, before Jim decided ice-cream was a must, despite the chill in the air. Bones was convinced his friend thought he didn’t eat enough, but gladly took the ice cream. Jim paid for it anyway.

By the time they were heading home Bones felt lighter than he had in days. He was grateful for his friend, who somehow knew when he needed a day off better than he did. Attributing it to Jim’s magic charisma powers, Bones decided it was a good idea to actually listen to said friend, who was going on about antiquated machinery.

“Thank you,” Bones said when the ‘conversation’ died down. Jim grinned at him and clapped a hand onto his shoulder.

“No problem, Bones, you needed this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How am I doing this? So many chapters! And I have more planned! GAHH!
> 
> Also, Jim's thing with the beef is based off of one of my friends. She won't eat beef because she loves cows, but she hates the chickens so she eats them as retaliation.
> 
> As always, kudos are love, comments are motivation.


	5. Start of something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim's idea of a relaxing night is like mine: Take out food and David Bowie in tight leather pants. Bones doesn't really mind that much.

The next few days were full of classes and studying. Hell, the next few weeks were full of monotony of the educational kind, but Jim started to bug Bones into going out more often. Not to the usual places, like bars and clubs, which Bones did go to every once in a while. No, Jim was pulling him around to tiny restaurants and old book stores on the weekends, or even the weekdays if he could convince Bones he didn’t need to work that hard.

Though Leonard would never admit it, he started looking forward to their little outings. He even went so far as to suggest a place when Jim just wanted to order in. The smile he had received was blinding, which made the embarrassment worth it.

One night, after a very long day working in the hospital, Bones came home to find Jim in the kitchen. At dinner time. The panic that rose up in him only abated when he realized all his friend was doing was plating up food he had ordered from the Chinese place fifteen minutes away.

“You look like shit,” Jim stated, picking up two plates with fried rice and steamed buns on them and taking them to the couch. “Come relax, I picked out a movie.”

Grabbing the drinks, Bones joined his friend on the couch, taking the plate that Jim offered him.

“What’re we watching?” he asked, taking a grateful bite of food. He might have forgotten lunch, which made this ten times better.

“An old film from the 1980s I found. It’s called Labyrinth, and apparently has this guy, David Bowie, who was big in music,” Jim explained, leaning back with his food as the beginning credits started rolling.

The graphics were… not good, and there were too many sparkles for his taste. It was like the set designers decided that the extra shiny stuff would make up for the cheapness of the rest of the film. Still, the story was pretty good, and the songs weren’t half bad.

As the movie progressed, Bones thought Jim was getting closer and closer, but decided it was just his imagination. Why in the world would his friend want to be any closer than they already were? Bones could feel Jim’s body heat next to him, and decided to take comfort in it, rather than overanalyzing the entire situation.

By the time the movie ended, Jim’s shoulder was pressed up against his, their knees bumping into each other. The contact was welcome, giving Bones comfort he hadn’t felt since the night Jim had slept in his bed, and it made him wish he could ask Jim to do that again. But that was overstepping the bounds of their friendship, and Bones would rather have Jim as a friend than ruin it all chasing a wish.

“What’d you think?” Jim asked, breaking the odd not-silence that was the credits.

“Very… trippy? I’m convinced that if someone had gotten hurt they would’ve bled sparkles.” Jim laughed, letting his head fall onto Bones’ shoulder for a moment before he got up to put the dishes in the sink.

“Did you like it, at least?”

“Sure, it was good in an old-timey way. Most of those goblins were puppets or people in rubbery costumes.”

“That’s what they had at the time, though, and I think it’s pretty amazing. At least they didn’t try to animate them, that would’ve been worse. I just wanna give that big guy a hug, he seems so snuggly.”

“Ludo? Yeah, probably not as snuggly as you though, you freaking octopus.” The words had slipped past his mouth, and he could feel his face heating up. Neither of them had talked about the fact that they had slept in the same bed, and Leonard was unsure if that was just one of those things that they had an unspoken agreement on. He always had a hard time keeping track of unspoken deals, seeing as how they never actually talked about them.

“Like you mind,” Jim sassed, dropping back onto the couch and swinging his legs into Bones’ lap. When Bones couldn’t think of a comeback Jim’s smile turned into a grin that Leonard itched to smack off his face.

“Not really,” Bones conceded, deciding that Jim would be smugger if he tried to deny it. Jim’s eyes softened, his grin dropping back into a genuine smile. “My only problem is that you’re a furnace and I don’t want to suffocate.”

“That’s only cause you wear too much,” Jim singsonged, rolling off the couch and disappearing into their bedroom.

Leonard sat on the couch for a while longer in a state of half shock. Shock at Jim for flirting so overtly, shock that he was shocked, and, most of all, shock that he agreed. Suddenly all these thoughts of sleeping naked next to Jim, his best friend, crossed his mind, and he actually thought it would be a good idea.

Curse the flirty man for giving him the idea, and invading his dreams that night as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually really surprised by how much I have done of this fic. This is the first time that I have been able to reliably update a fic. This was the best prompt ever.
> 
> As usualy, kudos are love, comments are motivation.


	6. Through sickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones tries his best to cope with living with thoughts of James T. Kirk. He does very poorly.

The thoughts and dreams only worsened after that point. It wasn’t so bad at first, only popping up every once in a while when Jim did something particularly affectionate or cute, and it was easy enough to push to the side. The real problems started when he began noticing the small things, like how Jim’s smile crinkled his eyes and down his cheeks, or how he waved his arms for emphasis when he was passionate about something. All the little details that were so totally Jim were distracting him, and people were starting to notice.

Like Jim, Jim was starting to notice. Which was not a good thing.

So Bones did the smart thing, and started putting in more hours at work and spending more time away from the apartment. He started purposefully taking shifts that were when Jim had free time. When he got home he would claim he was too tired to do anything and that he just wanted a shower and his bed.

And that empty feeling in his stomach started expanding again.

The disappointed looks that Jim gave him were starting to break his resolve. Not disappointed in Leonard, though, that would have been easier. Disappointed that he didn’t have as much time with his friend, and that hurt more than Jim being angry at him.

But then Jim started visiting him at work. At first, Bones would just tell him he was in the way, and that he shouldn’t be there. But then Jim started getting clever, proving that he deserved the title of genius. He started showing up with food at dinner time. Beyond that, he wouldn’t go straight to Bones, instead asking one of the other doctors on duty if Leonard was free, making his co-workers insist he take a break before he drops from exhaustion.

So the two start a new routine, with Bones working more and Jim bringing him meals. Bones was grateful, he really was, and he was always happy to see his friend, but it was doing nothing for what he was now sure was a crush. On his best friend. This could only end in disaster.

Luckily enough, classes started picking up as the end of the semester approached, and Jim’s visits started becoming rarer. Bones was sure this was lucky in some way, he just needed to figure out exactly why. In fact, it seemed rather unlucky, considering he had grown so used to Jim bringing him food that he started forgetting meals. With all the work from school and the hospital, though, he barely noticed, he just kept on plowing through, coming out strong at finals.

After finals was a different story. He had been working himself so hard, and skipping so many meals, that his body had decided his immune system was not all that important. So, once the stress of school stopped, and his workload at the hospital dropped off, said immune system came back full force, and didn’t like what it found.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this sick. He had a fever so high he felt delirious, and more than once he felt his airways be blocked by mucus. His body ached, and he felt like he was standing in the fridge with how cold he was, no matter how many blankets he piled on.

And of course, like any good doctor, he refused medical attention.

He knew what he needed to do, and that was eat right, get enough sleep, and bring down his fever, and only that last one required medical attention. He was a doctor, damn it, and he could do that by himself.

That didn’t stop Jim from worrying, though, and it definitely didn’t stop him from being a mother hen. Not that Bones minded, Jim knew how to make a great chicken noodle soup, which was rather surprising. It was also nice to have someone around just to be a comfort. In his weakened delirious state, Bones had even gone so far as to lean on his friend when the two of them had been sitting on the couch. Jim had just shifted, putting his arm around Bones’ shoulders and moving so his head rested more on Jim’s chest than his shoulder.

That same night, Jim practically carried Bones to his bed. Once Leonard was in bed, Jim made sure he was completely covered by the duvet, and felt his forehead once more.

“There are easier ways to check if I have a fever,” Bones pointed out. Jim smiled down at him.

“I know,” he said simply, before leaning down and planting a kiss on Bones’ forehead and leaving to get ready for bed himself.

Sleep came easier to Bones that night than it had in weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, sickness from neglecting your body's needs is very real. It has happened to me before, where I was forgetting to eat dinner and was dancing about three or four hours a day. It ended in me not being able to breath while on stage and having to go home before my last number. The moral of this story, kids, is take care of yourself. It's totally worth it!
> 
> As usual, kudos are love, comments are motivation.


	7. Rebuilding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones tries to make up for avoiding Jim.

Guilt was worse than being sick, Bones decided. Despite having given Jim the biggest cold shoulder he could, Jim was still there to care for him, and still cared about him. And that made Bones feel like the biggest ass of all, especially since he cared so much for Jim.

So he decided to do something about it. Jim shouldn’t have to suffer because of Leonard’s fears, he deserved much better than that. So Bones asked for a lighter work load and was given it easily, his supervisor saying that he had worked enough to come in for a day a week until fall class started up and still be fine. She might have also hinted that he should spend more time with ‘that nice blonde boy who seems to be attached to your hip’. Leonard had just told her to mind her own business before going to join said nice blonde boy for lunch.

It wasn’t anything special, a little sandwich place that no one really went to, but Jim liked how thick they sliced the bread and they had really good sweet tea that Leonard was always thankful for. Jim was waiting for him when he got there, sitting at a table and doodling something on a napkin. Leonard slid into the chair across from him and was graced with a grin that he couldn’t help but smile at.

“How’d it go at work? You back on the schedule?” Jim asked, his smile becoming tighter.

“Yeah, but I decided to take a lighter load, and am only working one day a week,” Leonard informed him, noticing how the tension seemed to seep out of his shoulders. “My boss practically begged me to take the time off.”

“They getting tired of you over there?” Jim teased.

“No, they just wanted there to be work left for other people.”

Their food came, because apparently Jim had ordered for him, and the two of them tucked in with little conversation. It wasn’t an awkward silence, but more of a ‘I know you haven’t had much real food so I’m going to let you eat in peace’ and a ‘oh god food tastes so much better when you’re hungry’ silence.

“I was thinking,” Bones said once his sandwich was gone, still working on the chips that had come with it. “Maybe we could do dinner this weekend. You know, at another of your weird ‘no one knows about this place but somehow it stays open’ places.”

Jim bounced in his seat with how excited he was. Literally bounced. His smile spanned from ear to ear, and he was practically vibrating with how happy he was. Bones had to admit, he was a bit scared.

“Of course,” he said, trying to contain his enthusiasm and failing. “I’ve been thinking about where to go next once you had some time, so don’t make dinner plans on Saturday. You’re going to love this one.”

The fact that Jim had clearly been thinking about this for a while was like physical pain, Leonard felt so bad about it. He had been taking something that Jim clearly thought was important away from his friend because he couldn’t keep it in his pants. Sometimes he could be such an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is such a short chapter, but it's the last week of class and I'm helping this grad student with her study, which requires me to be in a swamp on my days off. I have seen too much poison sumac and have stepped in too many watery holes to be happy today...
> 
> As always, kudos are love, comments are motivation.


	8. Don't go where I can't follow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim gets to implement his plan, and Bones is alright with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so, I think this will actually be the last chapter in this particular story, but I do have a bit of a continuation. I think I'll make that a different story because this is a good ending place.

That Saturday, the two of them got in Jim’s car and headed out. Jim had been very tight lipped about the whole thing, not giving away where they were going or what type of food it was, but Bones trusted him. They drove for about an hour, at one point bursting out into song and then not really stopping after that. Bones usually wasn’t one for singing, but at that moment he felt so light that he couldn’t help but join once Jim started.

Eventually Jim pulled into a dusty parking lot in the middle of nowhere, earning a look of skepticism from Bones.

“No restaurant in their right mind would be out here,” he said. “Was all this a ploy to get my guard down so that you can kill me and hide the evidence?”

“No, I’d have just let you suffer in your illness if that’s what I wanted,” Jim said, stepping out of the car and pulling a basket from the back seat that Bones hadn’t even noticed. “Grab the blankets,” Jim called as he started walking up a nearby hill.

Bones grabbed the blanket out of the back seat before jogging to catch up to his friend. He didn’t reach him until they were at the top of the hill, and Bones was out of breath from running up it.

“Where the hell are we, and why are we here?” he asked.

Jim smiled smugly, before reaching up and grasping Bones’ chin. Leonard felt his heart stop before it began to race around his chest. His lips suddenly felt dry, so he licked them unconsciously, eyes darting down to Jim’s lips, wondering if they were as dry as his at this moment. But instead of pulling him closer, Jim turned his head, and he gasped.

The hill looked west over fields of grape vines, the sun approaching the horizon and painting the clouds and land in a faint pink. It was gorgeous, and like nothing Bones had seen since he left Georgia.

While Bones was gaping at the beauty of the world, Jim was quietly setting up their little picnic. Once the blanket was all set out, he said down and reached up to grab Leonard’s hand, pulling him down next to him. His hand lingered for a little too long, but Bones didn’t mind.

“You brought me here,” Bones managed to say, eyes still plastered on the scene before him, “to have a picnic, and watch the sun set.”

“Actually I brought you here to have a picnic and go star gazing, we just got here early,” Jim explained, handing Bones a plate and a piece of French bread that had been cut in half.  He pulled out another plate for himself, followed by deli meat and cheese. There were grapes and chips, too, and a couple of beers that had been kept cool.

“So how long have you been planning this?” Bones asked, biting into his sandwich with a loud crunch.

“Only a month or two. I found this place after deciding to go for a drive and I knew I’d have to come back. There is so little light here that we should be able to see all the stars, and you know how much I like stars.”

“You’d marry one if you wouldn’t burn up,” Bones responded, nudging Jim with his shoulder.

“No, I’d marry a star ship if I could, but I can’t so I won’t. I’ll just have to end up marrying someone on that star ship.” Jim’s expression was one of hope.

“You’ve never come across as the marrying type,” Bones pointed out, taking care to pay attention to Jim’s response.

“It just take the right person, I guess,” Jim said, turning and smiling at his friend. Bones felt his heart flutter, and decided to look away at the sunset instead.

As the light faded, the two began to see stars lighting the sky, first a few, then the entire night sky. They were lucky that it was a new moon, and they could see the entire Milky Way. The two of them lay back, too close and yet too far away by Bones’ standards, but then Jim started to talk about the stars, and the distance between them faded away into the sound of his voice.

“I can’t wait to be up there. If they’re this pretty far away, they must be gorgeous closer up,” Jim breathed in awe.

“It’ll happen,” Bones assured. He wasn’t so sure he’d be with his friend though. So many things could go wrong, and Bones knew that, unlike Jim, he wasn’t destined for a star ship. That’s just where he was headed, and it was entirely possible he’d never make it there. Jim had to though, that was what Jim always wanted, and that’s what he’d get.

“You’ll be there too,” Jim said, breaking Bones’ train of thought. “Can’t go anywhere without my Chief Medical Officer. I wouldn’t even make it past my first mission without you.”

“I doubt that,” Leonard laughed, “besides, who’s to say we’ll be posted together.” Bones could feel the loneliness creeping up, that feeling of being left behind, even though that was a ways off. He couldn’t help but fear that Jim would go off on his own, find someone else to call his best friend, and in the end forget the cranky southern doctor. Bones didn’t think he could bear that.

“Even if we aren’t at first, when I become Captain I will get you on my ship. I will huff and puff and hold their ship from going on its mission until you are on my ship. Unless,” Jim turned to look at his friend, a sliver of fear visible on his face. “Unless you don’t want to be on my ship.”

Bones took a moment to think, wondering if there were any place he’d rather be than by Jim’s side. Jim, with his brilliant smile, quick wit, and light sense of humor. The one man who could pull him from his bad moments, and the one man he wanted there for his good ones.

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” Bones said, smiling at his friend. The grin he got back was brilliant, and gave him that last push he needed to reach out and grab Jim’s hand. His friend seemed to catch his breath, before tangling their fingers together and squeezing.

“Good,” Jim breathed, “I don’t think space would be fun without you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, just a warning, this might be the last chapter for a while. Next week I'm probably getting my wisdom teeth out, and I do not think writing at that time will be a good idea. There might be another, but this is a warning just in case.
> 
> Also, any ideas where I should take this from here? I'm not entirely sure, and I'd like your guys' opinions.
> 
> As always, kudos are love, comments are motivation.


	9. Counting Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Bones continue to watch their stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was lying about the last chapter, this one is the last chapter. I realized how weird it would be to stop mid-scene like that.
> 
> Anyway, wisdom teeth are out and I am almost fully recovered, so yay to that! Sorry for the long break.

The amazingness that was holding Jim Kirk’s hand was indescribable in that moment, mainly because all Bones could think about was golden hair and blue eyes and stars that stretched off into infinity. This was the closest he would ever get to a spiritual experience, Bones was sure, and he never wanted it to end. To be just the two of them, for the rest of eternity, that was heaven.

And now he was starting to sound like a bad poet.

“That one looks like a spaceship,” Jim said, lifting up their joined hands and tracing a pattern in the stars.

“Everything looks like a spaceship to you,” Bones laughed. “Besides, I’m pretty sure there are actual constellations with most of those stars.”

“Yeah, but what’s the point of learning them when they’ll change? Much better to make up my own.”

Bones chuckled, shaking his head and scooting a bit closer, pulling their combined hands onto his stomach. He brought his other hand up to play with Jim’s fingers as they continued to watch the stars.

“How many of those do you think have sentient life?” Jim asked.

“I’m not sure, but I’m sure you’ll find out.”

“We’ll find out,” Jim promised again, trying to subtly scoot closer.

Bones turned to look at him, only to find Jim staring back. Neither of them wanted to look away, both happy to just stay this way. Still looking him in the eyes, Jim tugged their hands upwards and kissed the back of Leonard’s hand softly, soft lips lingering for just a moment. Bones let out breathless laugh of joy, his other hand reaching and brushing some of Jim’s hair off his forehead.

“I think this is the most I’ve seen you smile in a while,” Jim confessed, “I was starting to worry that you were mad at me.” His face fell a bit, his eyes darting downwards in embarrassment.

“Shit, Jim, no. No, I wasn’t mad at you I was… scared,” Bones said, feeling like he was tearing open his chest and baring his heart. “I was scared that I would somehow mess up our friendship and I took the easy way out.”

“So you were avoiding me?” Jim asked, pulling back and pushing up onto one elbow.

“Yes.” It was Leonard’s turn to look down in embarrassment. “I couldn’t trust myself around you.”

“And why not?” Jim asked teasingly, scooting that much closer. He was flirting, Bones could tell, and he knew that Jim would keep pushing.

“Because I was afraid I’d do this,” Bones said, his courage surging forward as he did the same, capturing Jim’s lips with his own.

When Jim didn’t move or react, Bones began to pull back, afraid that he had read the situation wrong. But then there was a hand in his hair pulling him back to Jim in a crushing kiss. His own hand landed on Jim’s side, running along it until he reached Jim’s hip.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for that,” Jim breathed against his lips.

“Probably not as long as I have,” Bones said.

“Oh yeah,” Jim pulled back, and Bones regretted starting this competition. “That night you broke down, the next morning I woke up in your arms, and all I could think of was how much I wanted to stay there for the rest of my life.” Bones was stunned silent, never really considering that Jim had been feeling like this for so long. “What about you?” Jim asked, nuzzling into Leonard’s neck.

“When we watched the Labyrinth, that was when I actually realized what was happening,” Bones confessed. “At first it was just noticing when you did cute things…”

“Aw, you think I’m cute!”

“Shut up, you dim wit. As I was saying, after a while it was just this constant barrage of ‘Jim’s really pretty’ and ‘Jim’s so cuddly’, ‘you should kiss him, that’d be a good idea’. I couldn’t stand it, and so I tried my hardest to see you less often.”

“Which is hard when we live together,” Jim pointed out.

“Quit your sass, I know that.” Bones pushed Jim’s face away before ruffling his hair.

“Hey, how dare you mess up my hair!” he exclaimed fighting back and managing to get on top of Leonard.

“It looks like you just rolled out of bed with it this morning,” Bones defended, trying to get the younger man off of him.

“Yeah, and it took me an hour to get it perfectly like that,” Jim argued, catching Bones’ hands and pinning them above his head. The two stared at each other for a few breathless moments, trying to figure out just when they fell asleep, before Jim bent down to carefully cover Bones’ lips with his own.

The two remained wrapped up in each other for hours, nothing else in the world save the stars. Eventually common sense kicked in, and Bones made them get up and drive home. Both exhausted when they returned, it took barely ten minutes for them to strip down and fall asleep, wrapped in each other’s arms in Leonard’s bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, finished the story! I might put up more from this universe, but we'll see. I've recently got motivation to work on my own book, so I'm not sure how much fanfiction I'll be doing, but I'll try.
> 
> Also, for some reason Jim was channeling 1960s spaceman lego in this. Oh well.
> 
> As always, kudos are love, comments are motivation.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first Star Trek fic I've written in a while, and I think I might continue it. Who knows, it might take a while, but I think I will.


End file.
